Saving Grace



I loved my job. It was difficult and challenging and I lost sleep over it. But I loved going there every day and facing the challenge. I was laid off in 2011 and thought that my world was over and nothing would ever be good again. A little melodramatic, I know but, I was raised to believe that a job was the most important thing that I could have and that I should have one at all costs.

I said before that I loved my job and I'll say it again. I loved my job. I loved going in and helping people who'd never held a steady job or any job learn how to be good employees. I loved the process of ensuring the efficiency of the staff. I loved the computer work that I did and the meetings that I went to and the people I got to connect with.

It wasn't until I was laid off that I realized that the job didn't love me. It stressed me out beyond belief. I never knew if I was going to get a phone call in the middle of the night that would require me to arrange for a crime scene/bio-hazard cleanup or have to deal with a broken pipe that flooded 8 stories of a 12 story building. And yes, I have had to do both of those things, more than once. I've dealt with employee deaths and tenant deaths and the aftermaths of fights and drug deals gone wrong. I've been barricaded into rooms by mentally ill tenants. All of this was taking a huge toll on me. I still loved my job, but it was getting to be too much.

I'm not one to walk away from something that I've started though. I was going to do that job to the best of my ability until I looked for something else or was laid off. At the end of my job, I'd starting losing sleep and weight. I lost 15 pounds in about a month. I wasn't eating well. I was tired and my bosses noticed.

And then I was laid off. I thought that the world had ended and I wouldn't recover. Again, a little melodramatic, but I was scared. But surprise, surprise! The world kept turning and I kept breathing. It really REALLY surprised me how relaxed I suddenly was and how little I had to stress about. Sure I needed to find a new job and I had rent and bills to worry about, but I had the choice of looking for a job without all of the stressful things that the other one had. It was a huge relief. I was the happiest I'd been in a long time.

So losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me. I learned how to relax again. I learned what I want in a job and what I don't. I learned that, despite some self-confidence issues, I can do a good job and earn the respect of my co-workers and supervisors.  I learned that I can try to branch out and discover something new. I've had temporary jobs since this job and I loved them. I learned new processes and gained new experiences. I've been in different work atmospheres that I never would have been in that job.

I loved that job, but losing it was my saving grace.